Hello my name is....

picture link: http://www.mrtees.com/hello-my-name-is-stud-muffin-funny-joke-t-shirt.html 

I think names are a big deal. I'm not particularily sure why, but i've always felt that names are a huge factor in determining a persons personality and future. I realize this sounds ridiculous, and pretty fortuneteller-zodiaccrazed-hollistic-witch-doctor of me. With the help of my friends Kayla and Jill (both perfectly acceptable names) and utilizing my obsession with names I have created a list of things you can not name your children after. There are some exceptions, but generally speaking, naming your children after one of the following is not a good choice in my opinion.

***Disclaimer*** - Advanced apologies to you if your name falls into one of the categories included in my list, but still don't get all super offended on me, its the relatively unknown blog of a 17 year old, deal with it.

in no particular order:

1) Cars

 - Examples:  Mercedes, Porche (Portia), Bently, Chevy

- Reasoning:  Really? Naming your kid after an automobile?  First of all, you know the dad has to be involved in this. Was the thought process "Oh i really love my new Ferrari...... Oh my god, i know what to name my kid"? Please do not do this. I haven't met any Porches, Bentlys or Chevys but i have met a few Mercedes and none of them are very nice people. I guess thats whats going to happen when  you name your daughter after a shiney, inanimate object, she's kinda going to be like that. Probably pretty, but not all that warm or personable. Also the world doesn't care if you are a Ford or Dodge person.
- Rating of Terribility: 9/10

2) States/Cities
- Examples: Dakota, Montana, Nevada, Paris,
- Reasoning: Although not as popular as cars, naming your child the same name as a state or city is lame. I mean I get that you are trying to be creative, but they aren't necessarily the prettiest names (since usually they are for girls) and i'm positive you could find something better.
- Rating of Terribility: 6.5/10

3) Colors
- Examples: Scarlet, Aqua, Violet
- Reasoning: All together not horrible, but in most cases your kid ends up sounding like a hippy. I don't know about everybody else but i'd have a real hard time taking somebody named yellow seriously. Also scarlet sounds like a parrot name.
- Rating of Terribility: 5/10

4) Gemstones
- Examples: Ruby, Emerald, Sapphire
- Reasoning: Again you've got the hippy problem. And I don't understand why you would compare a child to a piece of sparkly rock. AND by naming somebody after something that already has a predetermined worth you are putting a dollar value on them, and thus will end up with kids (especially girls) who have low self worth. Basically, how classy can you be with a name like diamond? sounds like a stripper.
- Rating of Terribility: 5/10

5) Seasons
- Example: Summer
- Reasoning: Doomed to a fate of high blonde pony tails and cheerleading because you are lying to your self if you say thats not immediately think of when you hear the name summer.
- Rating of Terribilty: 7/10

6) Virtues
- Examples: Chastity, Grace, Faith
- Reasoning: Only name your child a virtue if you want them to grow up and be the exact opposite of what you have named them. I've nevert met a chaste chastity, have you?
Rating of Terribility: 7.5/10

7) Months/Days of the Week
- Examples: May, April, October, Wednesday, Sunday
- Reasoning: Naming babies after months is strangely popular and i just don't understand why. I mean when your kid writes her name and date at the top of the page in school its going to be the same thing one month each year. Naming your babies after days of the week is only ok if your last name is Addams.
- Rating of Terribility: 5/10

8) Trees/Flowers
-Examples: Willow, Lily, Rose, Daisy
- Reasoning: Do you whip your hair back and forth? No? Well then forget the name Willow. It may just be me but flower names just don't sound super classy.
- Rating of Terribility: 4/10


Anymore you can think of? 

Love of an Orchestra

I'm aware i'm an abusive blogger, as in I've clearly been neglecting to post. Unfortunately this is only a quicky until I am inspired to write something longer and funny.

This is Noah and the Whale's video for Love of an Orchestra.

It made me laugh and hopefully it'll do the same for you.

What exactly is a backhanded compliment?

For those of you who are unfamilar with the term which is the title for this blog, a backhanded compliment consists of not only a compliment, but also a trickily hidden and stinging insult. On the surface a backhanded compliment may appear innocent enough; however once thought about, its true hurtful nature is revealed. Although backhanded compliments are often hilarious and clever, they can leave a vitcim reeling in pain for hours.

My whole discovery of backhanded compliments started with my mother. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, and she is usually really nice, and has no problem feeding me the typical mom bullshit about how cool I am and how I'm probably the world's best colorer. But occassionally I see true glimpses of brutal honesty hidden within her reassuring statements which lead me to believe that I probably will not be a supermodel-doctor-astronaut combo when i grow up like she's said.

Turns out, once you graduate high school the parent filter begins to falter. You no longer get the "you'd look great even in a paper bag" response when asking about an outfit. It starts to become "Maybe go with the black top instead" or, "Does it really matter?". Or in my case --
 "Hey Kelsey, I like that sweater you're wearing, makes you look so thin the way it covers up your thighs!"
".....awesome.... thanks mum"
"What's that look for? I mean it"
"....great..."
That perfect confidence boosting machine starts to hiccup and you end up questioning everything you've ever been told. Did that third grade bowl cut actually look good? Were apples really as delicious as the coveted Lunchable? And it gets to the point where you interpet every word from your parents as blatent insults. "Kelsey, would you like some extra salad?" "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you saying i'm fat!?!?!? Why am I constantly victimized in this house hold?"

Actually... it's probably best not to overreact about backhanded compliments. In most cases they can likely be disregarded as accidental. And in this case the ones i've recieved from my mom led to a blog title, so I guess no harm done...ish


Backhanded compliments have pretty much nothing to do with what the posts here will be about. I don't know what the posts will be about yet. But basically i'm sure something I say will offend somebody at some point in time, so when that happens i hope the offended individual can flash back to reading this story and find some comfort in the fact that my mother is probably still attempting to comfort me by saying I look skinnier when I wear all black.